THESE ARE SOME OF THE DUMBEST, BUT TOTALLY REAL, US MILITARY RULES

By Allison Kirschbaum

Every job has those rules that just don’t make much sense. But in the military, there are rules that just take things to a whole new level, and some of these military rules are just plain weird. Sure, rules are made to promote discipline, order, and safety, but there are a few that leave service members scratching their heads.

Weird Military Rules in All Branches

In all military branches, there are rules that are universally followed. Even though they don’t always make sense in a real-world situation, service members actually have to follow them.

These rules are usually made for discipline, safety, or appearance, but sometimes, they go a little too far, which makes some service members scratch their heads. They also joke about these rules behind them, as some feel they are just too unnecessary or overly controlling.

No Hands in Pockets: Putting your hands in your pockets is a no-go because it's considered unprofessional, even if you’re literally freezing because of the cold weather.
Don’t Walk on the Grass: Many bases treat the grass as sacred. So, unless you’re mowing the grass, you should stay off of it.
No Walking While Talking on the Phone: If you’re going to use your phone, you must stop moving and stand still. It’s non-negotiable, so you don’t forget to salute someone who passes by.
Wearing Reflective Belts Indoors or During Daylight: The reflective belts are used only for safety in dark areas, but most units require them at all times, even indoors or during the day.
No Eating or Drinking While Walking in Uniform: It’s normal to grab a bite anywhere, but if you’re in uniform, it can be seen as sloppy or unprofessional.
Strict Sock and Shoe Rules: You can only wear socks in uniform in certain colors, of course.
No Umbrellas: Is it raining outside? You’re not allowed to use it in uniform unless it meets exact standards.
Standing at Parade Rest When Talking to Higher Ranks: Normally, you would have a casual conversation, but you are expected to stand rigidly, even just asking a question.
Filling Out Check-In/Check-Out Paperwork: Want to take leave or transfer duty stations? Expect a long checklist and lots of signatures.
Operational Risk Management (ORM) for Low-Risk Activities: Even something as basic as a pickup basketball game requires ORM paperwork in some units, which we know is ridiculous.

The Hardcore Marine Corps Rules

The Marine Corps is known for being the toughest and most traditional branch of the military, so it’s obvious and no surprise that it has some of the most hardcore and head-scratching rules. While their goal is to build discipline, there are just some military rules that feel a little dumb, especially to junior Marines.

Weekly Haircuts: If your hair hasn’t grown that much, don’t worry because you still need to get a haircut. Every week.
Weekend Liberty Briefs and Car Inspections: If you want to enjoy your weekend, you need to go through a lecture about safety and have your car inspected first.
No Sunglasses or Ear Protection in Formation: Wearing sunglasses or earplugs if it’s sunny or loud is not allowed on formation because it ruins the service member’s appearance, which is understandable. But sometimes, it's just dumb.

The Army’s Everyday No-Nos

The Army has its traditions and regulations as well, and most of the time, that leads to rules that sound like they were made many years ago, and they just never updated them. Some military rules in the Army have a clear purpose, but others feel like they just exist to make life harder for no real reason.

No Elevators in the Morning (Fort Hood): Soldiers are not allowed to use elevators in some units during the mornings to encourage physical fitness, even if they are in uniform or carrying gear.
Reserved Parking for Top Brass: If you’re not a colonel or general, you don’t have a good parking spot, because it’s usually reserved for them, even if they don’t use it regularly.

Welcome to Navy Life

A lot of the rules in the Navy came from life on ships or the Naval Academy. They, of course, made sense a long time ago, but now, it sometimes feels more about keeping a system alive than improving life for Sailors.

Mandatory Football Game Attendance (Naval Academy): At the academy, the midshipmen are always required to attend football games, if they like it or not.
ORM Forms for Everyday Things: A quick basketball game can turn into a paperwork exercise before it’s allowed to happen, and yes, it’s a love-hate relationship with ORM.

Air Force’s Unusual Orders

The Air Force has a reputation for being more laid-back than the other branches, or sometimes even joked about as the easiest military lifestyle, but that doesn’t mean they’re free from dumb military rules.

Strict Umbrella Rules: You can only use an umbrella in the Air Force if they are black and held in the left hand only.

That just means that even in a branch that flies high above the rest, you are still grounded by the rules that make everyone scratch their head because no one in the military can escape these dumb rules.

Honor, structure, and tradition are some of the things you’ll learn when serving in the military. Some rules don’t make sense, but they need to be followed.

In the end, most service members just learn to laugh about these military rules and just go with the flow. And that’s the beauty of it because it makes them unique. So, if you’re avoiding grass or dealing with umbrella rules, just remember that you are not alone in thinking that some military rules are a bit silly.

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